The idea you have here is intriguing. The main thing I would suggest working on is your dialogue. Harry's "voice" is not perfect, but acceptable, but Snape doesn't sound the way I imagine him. I think you are trying to write his speech as more formal, but it felt stiff or stilted.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review and your suggestion. I am new to writing fanfiction, so it is not going to be as IC as I would prefer. Any suggestions you have for me would be accepted and appreciated. Thanks.
| Title: Chapter 2: Visiting the Headmaster
| 17 Aug 2007 4:47 pm
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| Reviewer: Alexis8907 (Signed)
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What kind of relationship are they going to have? Mentor/father/that sort of thing? Interesting so far and hopefully there will be more soon.
Author's Response: Probably mentor or guardian. Not entirely sure yet. Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Interesting start so far. Its amusing how Snape blamed Harry right from the start.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
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