I think it's great, and I can't wait to see where it goes. The summary definitely drew me in. The only suggestion I have is to get a beta or read it out loud to yourself before posting, because there are a lot of grammatical errors where you left a word out here or there and it makes the sentence hard to read through. Another suggestion is to pay attention to how Snape talks. He often doesn't use contractions... example he would say I will not, instead of I won't. Some of the time in this chapter he sounds just like Harry.
Other than those things I think it's really good so far! Update soon!
Author's Response: Thanks for the tips! I didn't realise there were that many errors, as I don't know anyone who likes HP to to edit. I never noticed that Snape doesn't often use contractions so thanks a lot for pointing it out! I will keep that in mind. Thank you for the imput! :)
| Title: Forgotten Corridors
| 14 Apr 2011 12:37 pm
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| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed)
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Cute! I like the beginning so far! Clever idea with the vanishing disease. How fun! Interesting ball... I wonder how they will end up at a different time.
Why is it that Snape seems so much more sickly than Harry? Or is it just because we're looking from Harry's perspective that we can't see him shivering and so pale too?
Thanks for starting a new story! Please update when you can!
Author's Response: Being from Harry's perspective, Snape seems sicker, as Harry doesn't pay attention to his symptoms as much. As for time travel .. you'll see next chapter. Thank you for reviewing!
| Title: Forgotten Corridors
| 14 Apr 2011 12:19 pm
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| Reviewer: swetz (Signed)
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Summary & A/N got me really excited..I like your writing style, everything's looking good..definitely keeping my eye on! ^^
Author's Response: Thanks for sharing your thoughts! ;)
| Title: Forgotten Corridors
| 13 Apr 2011 3:01 pm
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| Reviewer: Shadow (Anonymous)
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Phenomenal start! I'm looking forward the next chapter =o)
Author's Response: Wow, thanks!
| Title: Forgotten Corridors
| 13 Apr 2011 7:31 am
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| Reviewer: Olga (Anonymous)
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Neat! Thank you for the intro. Loved that piece of dungeon history, and the metal bal scene was very enjoyable.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Very interesting. Looking forward to more
Author's Response: Glad you found it interesting. Thank you!
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