Great start! I noticed that the tense of writing changed every so often from present to past to present. And there were some typos and such, the errors make it a little hard to read and enjoy. You may want to look into finding a beta. But the storyline is good, the characterizations spot on. I am intrigued by the plot and background.
I really liked how Harry ran away, how Snape found him. I like that he is going to write him a letter, perhaps. This is a new and unique storyline and I look forward to reading more.
Nice start! I am unsure what to make of Lucy, but it's nice that she's willing to be a friend to Harry.
| Title: Chapter 5
| 02 May 2011 2:53 pm
|
| Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Harry's letter to Dumbledore was made of win.
ahh i love this chapter, i thought harry was going to leave with severus, i guess not, but i enjoy the last chapters the best. update soon, cant wait!
| Title: Chapter 4
| 01 May 2011 7:20 pm
|
| Reviewer: Doxie (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
Too sweet! Thanks for writing this. :)
Update soon. Looking forward to more.
I find it very believable that Harry wouldn't want to be "taken away" from the place where he lived all his life, even if his relatives don't treat him very well. As a child, he'd still be attached to them and want their approval. You captured that very well.
I also like your Snape and his understated disapproval of the situation. I hope he can find a way to keep in touch with Harry, and maybe see him again.
Great chapter, thanks for updating so quickly!
I love how you've written Harry. I find him very believable, what with his troubled thoughts regarding how his aunt and uncle feel about him. I liked how you said that his stomach hurt when his aunt said they never wanted him, as for a child a pain like that would feel much like a stomach ache, or at least I recall rejection as feeling so at that age. It was overall a very good chapter, and I look forward to the next! :)
I'm surprised he stayed there, though considering that this is Dumbledore who is willfully obtuse, maybe not. Good chapter--excellent characterizations
| Title: Chapter 4
| 30 Apr 2011 8:33 pm
|
| Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
Aww This was a nice chapter. So sad that he's still stuck there, though. Update soon ;p
|