I really loved your story. Unfortunately it is really short (I could be spoiled with some of your other stories) and I would love to see a 2nd chapter. But anyway, Love it!
A nice vignette. I like it a lot. One little suggestion - the rhythm of the story might flow a little better if the longer paragraphs in the second half were split into 2 or 3 paragraphs. I'm not suggesting that you change a single word, but just reflect that lovely minimalist style of the first half in the second half.
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